Pix1001 at Shoot the Rookie is holding a blogging event: The Video Game World Cup 2018. She’s assembling a team of association football players, the Blogger’s Eleven. And instead of buying players from another team, Pix1001 will be starting from the ground up by assembling a team of brand new players, from applications submitted by bloggers. Selected characters will then be chosen for the Blogger’s Eleven, no questions asked or tryouts held. It’s a bit unorthodox and doesn’t accord to FIFA rules, but then FIFA aren’t running this. So, figuring that this could be chance to become a written sports mogul, I’m officially entering a bid. And what better video game character to enter than the Batman: Arkham series’ Batman?
Some might consider this cheating, given that Batman has a vast history and canon in every medium. So, considering that, I’ve decided to stick only to the version of Batman as presented in the Batman: Arkham series of games – Batman: Arkham Asylum, Batman: Arkham City and Batman: Arkham Knight.
For almost his whole life, not only has Batman kept himself regularly trained in the most extreme regimented physical principles and combat techniques from across the world, but has also stuck to a strictly nutritional diet. In this way, he has maxed-out his physical and mental skills as a result of a lifetime’s commitment. His speed is comparable to an Olympic-level athlete and he can leg press 1133.981 KG. His immune system is so effective that it can repress the chemicals that build fat muscle. He’s trained himself to survive when deprived of oxygen, and as a result is extremely durable even when able to breath. He is flexible, agile and dexterous, with the level of hand-eye coordination which allows him to stick the tightest of paths and through the most limited of spaces. His reflexes mean that he can respond to any physical challenge or confrontation. With so many years of experience, he completely understands human behavioural patterns, and can accurately predict his opponent’s moves and strategy, like a computer calculating all possible outcomes. He knows the best way to mislead his opponents. His aptitude and life-long education means that he’s able to learn a new skill quickly and would soon become a more achieved player than Pele (the only reason he hasn’t done this already is lack of necessity). Unlike most people, who can’t put the work in, Batman uses 100% of his concentration and would be the most focused player on the pitch; obstacles would become increasingly smaller and objectives would become increasingly easier. A human body is like a garden, and Batman has given his the upmost care and attention. He is the pinnacle of what a human being can be. As a result, his cells have been sustained for his whole life, which has slowed his ageing process. Hire Batman, and you’ll be able to use him for at least twice as long as other players. Plus, the longevity of his experience wielding Batarangs means that if he’s taking a penalty, he will always score.
I think I’ve made my case quite clear.